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| I recently lost my voice.
On Friday night, I was screaming my head off throughout the entire Drag Show, knowing that there was the possibility of regretting my over enthusiasm. At first, it was not so bad. On Saturday, I only had a raspy voice. I was still able to talk, thinking that my at-the-moment state was the "worst" of it all. You cannot believe how wrong I was.
By Sunday, I was really exhibiting signs of losing my voice. I was half and half about what I wanted to happen: get better, or actually lose my voice. At that time, the latter had the most appeal as I've never lost my voice for a prolonged period of time, but only came close to it several times.
Come Monday, my voice was reduced to a mere whisper...and not. It seemed that only one half of my throat was inoperable, while the other was working overtime. After much straining, I felt like my voice was about to return. Throughout lunch, I was chatting it up (and not) with the boyfriend and company. Despite all of the ridicule I received from everyone, I couldn't help but laugh with everyone else at my helplessness.
At 7pm, one of my roommate returns. In my attempt to welcome her back to her home, I found that I couldn't get a word out.
I've gone and done it. I've lost my voice, and I don't know where to look. | | |
| Things have been rocky over the past few months. I chose a really bad time to start being ambitious. I know that in the future, perhaps when the semester is over and I'm on summer break, I'll look back at this academic school year with a huge grin on my face. Well, maybe not a huge grin, but at least I'll know that I've accomplished a lot.
Outside of academics...
I have a summer internship lined up with PwC along with a friend of mine. Hopefully, I'll be able to save up enough to go travel for a bit before I head back to school.
The breakdance club is really starting to come together. I wish we could do bigger and better things now, but the club is still a baby. Hopefully when I come back several years later, the club will have its own annual show *crosses fingers*
So that's that.
I'm getting old, dear Xanga. I wish the human body did not age as fast as it does. Perhaps if I lived in space, I'll live a little longer....
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| During high school, the materialistic side of me would kick in and I would compare the number of presents I had to all of my other friends. ...Of all the girls, I would end up with the least. But it's not really the number of presents that bugged me. It was more a feeling... the feeling that no one thought about me. So every Christmas I had in high school was a miserable one. I never really expected presents. I always told everyone that I wanted a Christmas card with a lot of stuff written in it, and I was serious every time I said it. In hindsight...at least I got a card :]
But then college rolled around and Christmas...wasn't that big a deal anymore. By that time I came to accept that I just wasn't in people's thoughts. Hey, who can blame them? We're college students. After four years, we'll never see each other again, hurrah.
I can honestly say that for the past three years, I've never been happier on a Christmas day. Why? Each year, someone really cared about me. That's why. And even though I don't have a significant other this year, my Christmas started off pretty neat. I got a call from a friend of mine and he called me last on purpose because our conversations on the phone always last for like forever, haha. But this past month has been a surprise for me and you don't know how your phone calls just brighten my mood, even though half of our conversation consists of you calling me gay and telling me to shut up. But it's just the fact that we're talking again that makes me so gay.
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| There is nothing like being
stuck in a moving vehicle for six hours with two other people you sort of but
don’t really know.
This winter break, I thought
I had secured my ride home with a friend that lived near my home, but I ended
up losing my seat to a giant Pooh doll purchased at the Disney Store up in Syracuse. Funny, right?
At first I didn’t think so. In
fact, I was more hurt than humored. As I
told my story to more and more people, I began to laugh about it more, and
others laughed, too only because I wasn’t completely bitter about it.
Why? Perhaps it was the workings of my good luck
charm, or maybe it was the intentions of a good friend of mine that got me out
of my situation. He managed to get a
friend of ours to drive the both of us back to the city, which I’m incredibly
grateful for. We need more people like
you on this Earth, Gary. You are a very
rare gem, whose real worth is undervalued (haha, finance terms). But I know you, and I will always be thankful
that I met you here at Syracuse.
I am not that close with any
of the seniors, so I really did not know who to ask to help me out of this
bind. Gary told me that Angie was going to give him
a ride back to the city, but I didn’t feel completely comfortable asking her if
she would be able to make room for me.
See the thing is, last year I casually mentioned to her that I was
looking for a ride back for winter, and in the moment of excitement, she forgot
that she had other obligations that she really needed to take care of before
leaving for the city. As our final days
were winding down, her obligations prevented me from being able to crash at her
place until our departure date. I took
it all the wrong way and felt that these were just excuses to weasel her way
out of having to drive me back, and I was in tears when I told her that I was
going to take the train back instead, and blah blah blah. Ever since the I have been left with a
slightly negative impression of Angie, and was very wary of asking her for
future favors.
So when I found out that
Angie was willing to give me a ride, one could imagine the slight state of
shock I was in. I was reluctant to
accept and a little scared, even. But in
the end, it was all worth it.
For the first hour or so, Gary fell asleep riding shotgun, which gave Angie and I
some time to talk about ASIA, what we wanted
to do with our roles on the e-board, etc.
As ASIA’s new historian, I summarized
my presentation for her and told her how I wanted to help redo A-Line’s online
archive. But it was during this hour
conversation that I learned a lot about her and vice versa. I told her about how scared I felt as an
Asian-American freshmen on campus, how I was reluctant to leave my dorm room
until my roommate came to campus, and how I still continue to feel vulnerable on campus
to this very day. I also told her about
all of this anger that I have inside for constantly missing
opportunities to defend myself in situations where I am being racially
discriminated, how ASIA has made me proud to be an Asian-American, and how I
wanted to play a bigger role on e-board so that more students would feel safe
enough to voice their concerns and share their stories.
After hearing my story, Angie
suggested that I write up my rant and submit it to A-Line. I thought my feelings were a tad ridiculous,
but she reassured me saying that I would be surprised by the number of students
that could probably identify with my story.
So look for my next blog, guys.
It will be an interesting one, providing you with a view of life on
campus from an Asian-American hot off the colorful streets of New York City.
Eventually, we made a pit
stop at this Christmas store called Jerry’s.
By golly were things overpriced!
Tiny little Christmas trees were selling for around $50 each! After walking from one end of the store to
another, I found this nice little plastic tree for Angie, which was actually on
sale for $9!
Dinner at Friendly’s was
probably the highlight of the evening. I felt like Angie and I were definitely
coming to a better understanding of each other, so going with the theme, she
asked us “If there was one thing you could change about this semester, what
would it be (not including academics)?”
We thought about it for a bit and we all arrived at the same answer: to
spend more time with our friends. We
each shared our stories about how our friendships with certain people went
south of the border because we were not able to make time for each other. But I offered the argument that it takes two
to tango (still not an excuse, though).
It usually takes the bigger person to take the first step to fix
friendships gone sour. So I talked a
little about Celina and Jenn, how they were both my closest galpals on campus,
and how much I really valued having them in my life.
I was surprised by how much I learned about Gary and Angie during our car ride. That's why I love road trips. It's only you, the company you're in, the car, and the road, and nothing else. In that short time we spent together, we definitely learned a lot about one another and we definitely bonded. This is definitely something I'm going to hold near and dear to my heart.
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| I'm beginning to regret that decision I made when I was filling out the application for Syracuse. The business world enforces a strict policy where anything NOT plain is just unacceptable. Prior to the turn of the new century, those in the business profession were mandated to dress in professional business attire. But with the new generation of college students entering into the business environment, policies became lax and the newbies were allowed to have dress down days. Meaning... casual Fridays. I do believe that corporations would have been very specific with what they considered casual. It was short for business casual. However, the young work force (feeling invincible and vivacious) thought it meant ripped jeans, flip flops, and don't even get me started on the tops.
Why am I talking about this? My money and banking professor saw that there's an abundance of creativity in me. She could tell by my particular choice in garb. In a meeting that I had with her earlier this week, she told me a lot about myself that I sort of knew, but didn't completely have my finger on. For starters, that whole creativity thing. Later on she said that she felt that I had the capability of pursuing a PhD. Wow...think of that. Dr. Stephanie Mei. That's insane. I honestly never thought of going after something as prestigious as a PhD. But she saw it in me. Am I really that capable? I know I'm lazy, but this was the first time someone I respected ever believed in me. You have no idea how much this revelation meant to me. So thanks to you, Dr. Sandra Phillips, a PhD has now been tacked onto my Dream Board (I got inspired to make this after Jason from JPMorganChase came in to speak to NABA members).
I told her about my hesitations about the business world, and how I personally felt that I wasn't compatible. She completely understood where I was coming from. She recalled back to one of our ice breakers and brought up one of my goals in life: to fund my parents' retirement. Why am I in business? Obviously I want to make the big bucks. But an even deeper reason is because I want to make money, accumulate wealth, and then become a philanthropist. There are not enough philanthropists in the world to meet the growing number of neglected charitable organizations.
A few years back, there was a news report about how senior citizens in the New York metro area could apply for aid through this one organization that took care of finding them living spaces, paying their rent, and other financial matters that the elderly were unable to maintain. The news story pointed out how many seniors citizens had no other choice but to be left out in the dark. The agency was just too understaffed and underfunded. So, I made a promise that this would be one of the first agencies I would invest in.
The most materialistic argument I have against my participation in the business environment is the professional dress. The whole 24/7 black business suits, black pumps, black skirts, and my hair tied back in a professional manner is just not for me! I would honestly feel claustrophobic if I were to wear the same/similar mundane outfits day in and day out. It's just so depressing to admit defeat and show that I've been tamed, when all my life I've been a "rebel." I want to keep my identity for as long as I can, and I want to walk around in jeans and t-shirt ALL THE TIME. I will be no one's bitch!
Ha, kidding. At least it's the 21st century. The younger workforce calls for new policies! Casual Fridays, polo shirts, accessories, more vacation time, company retreats, (free dinners,) and flexible work weeks galore!
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